Here’s a Solid Stock Tip – No Safe Bets

This is from me, a degenerate gambler that has 5x his fortune and then subsequently lost it all. The point is, I 5x my gains, which means I had gains at some point. So, I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I do way better than someone who’s never got any gains.

*Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink*

Alright, so the stonk tip;

Stop listening to the News,

If you pay any attention to the politics or anything remotely newsworthy, then you’ll know that the News is corrupt as fuck. Like you think the media propaganda machine would actually provide you with the truth? News-flash (ha-pun), they don’t.

And you gotta be a special kind of stupid to think that the Financial news is any better.

Just be an idiot (Click here to learn how).

“If you don’t read the news, you’re uninformed. If you do, you’re misinformed” – Mark Twain Basically

It’s clear that

Most media companies are bought out or have a staked interest;

For instance, here is Business insider talking about Bloomberg News;

I already talked mad shit about Market Watch and Seeking Alpha, just search through this site and you should be able to find some dirt. They basically place a monetary bounty to get contributor writers to write either a bullish or bearish shit-post. This is a retroactive way of justifying price movement, because investment funds and hedge-hogs have to have some sort of underwriting reason to move money.

Unlike us fellow poors, we can just move money like a gambling degen. No need to explain ourselves. Unless you have connections to some insider trader or some shit. But, uh, it’s rare for losers to get charged for insider trading, so you should be safe.

Also, Motley fool is owned in part by private equity and other money pushers. You know, like Motley Fool Asset management LLC. . . Or any of these other funds and tickers;

Or a;

So there is definitely a play on interests here.

Literally every media company talking about finance, has some bought out interests related to finance. If they’re not a public company like Yahoo, then they’re privately bought out by some Hedge funds or other money market custodians.

You ever heard of buy the rumor and sell the news? Well, turns out -there’s a reason that saying exists.

It’s honestly, really stupid to not buy out the media. I mean, If I was rich I’d do it too.

That’s how I know they’re doing it. It’s self evident if you want to win in a game. (If you really want to win, you’d cheat. Cheat or you ain’t trying -type of vibe if you know what I mean).

Here’s a bonus tip;

Find a really unlucky friend that gambles in stonks,

Get really invested into hearing about their trades. Get them to open up.

The more they lose, the better.

Just get buddy buddy with them, and then start inversing their trades.

You’ll probably do well.

So every time they talk to you about a bum trade, you know to go opposite.

They go long, you go short. They go short, you go long.

As they get more and more bummed out, you keep nursing their ego like the sociopath I’m sociopathically grooming you to be. You future degen sociopath, you.

After they rebuild their confidence, they’ll trade some more, and then you can profit off of their unluckiness.

This is inversing unluckiness, and it’s practically guaranteed that one of you guys will lose. So hopefully you found someone with shittier luck than you.

In Closing,

None of this is financial advice, but go ahead and sue me if you want. You have to be a special kind of retard to not know satire, and I will definitely bring up this line in court. If you are playing with 500x leverage, then you’re doing God’s work, son.

You do your own underwriting, if you want to use me as a scape goat for more financial mistakes, then sign up for my investing advice seminars.

You give me all of your money, I guarantee you will have 100% losses, and I get your money, and you leave broke. There’s actually no seminar, I just get your money. Think of it like reverse-pan handling, you come to me and beg to give me your money. Yea, that sounds about right.

You losing money is a guarantee with my products.

*Not Valid Financial, Legal, Life, or Any Advice


In Case people delete the Market Watch post,

Here are pictures;

And here is a place where you can see CME group owners.

Here is Market Watch allowing contributers;

And if I were to speculate the last piece, it would be that the editorial at Market Watch could offer cash incentives for writing certain opinion pieces geared towards a bearish or bullish sentiment. You know, just like how Seeking Alpha does. I just don’t have the evidence to claim that Market Watch does.

But I definitely have evidence that Seeking alpha does. So there’s that.

You can connect the dots however you like.

Author: Elsie Hughes